What does it mean to be masculine?. Is it being strong and not showing emotion? Is it being able to do what most people consider manly these days like been able to change the tire and other stuff? Is it being able to provide for your family and making sure they are well taken care of and protected? The answer to this question may be all or none of these depending on who you ask and that is okay. I will say my definition includes some of the qualities I just mentioned and others too but something happened a couple years ago that impacted how I see this.
As a man I always wanted to be strong and did what I could to handle things on my own no matter what. Asking for help was the last thing I did and for me to ask for him meant I had tried everything possible and had to realize that I needed to ask for help. Independence to me has always been important and been able to figure things out as a man was important to me no matter what. I wanted to be strong and lead others with them trusting that they were in safe hands. Something happened during my last semester in college that gave me more light on this situation and also made me more aware of how different every "man" is.
I had one roommate my last semester and there was a time in which he was in his room playing a game on his laptop. We weren't best friends but as roommates we had a good dynamic and communicated and respected each other which I liked. I had heard him playing his game from my room and all of a sudden he started yelling and crying. He started yelling "I don't know what to do and I don't know what is going on". I was confused at first been in my room on what was going on and would have walked over and knocked on his door to make sure he was okay but I heard him call his parents. His parents had come to visit once in the semester and even though I hadn't met them, I did know they were about 3 hours away.
In my mind I was thinking it's not that serious it's just a game, get over it but it was different. His mom also got his dad on the phone and they were able to calm him down and assure him things were going to be okay. This story may not seem like a lot but I want to go more into detail to why this had such an impact on me. I for some time always felt like men just needed to be strong and to be able to fight through things no matter what it was but this experience with my roommate changed things for me. Not every man has to be strong and that is okay. Not every man has to be able to do things all on their own and get over things. For my roommate he was going through a tough time and him being able to call and get support from his parents was what he needed. For us men it is important to define our own form of masculinity and not the norms of society or how the people around us dictate it. This moment shifted a lot of my views on this and I haven't spoken to my roommate since I graduated but wherever he is I hope he's doing good.
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