Lately I have been around a lot of people pleasers or just overall people who care too much about what people think and I think I have learned something. People pleasers are not people pleasers because they want to be but because that is how the world has made them. Not everyone automatically woke up one day caring about what people think or measuring their worth by the feedback of others but the norms of society makes it difficult. Social media for example, some individuals will post something or post themselves somewhere because they think it will make them look cool or be more accepted by others.
What validates that is the likes and comments they get from others or just the thought of being accepted in the eyes of others. Nobody ever seeks that on purpose but seeing someone else thriving receiving this kind of attention makes it human nature for another person to seek the same thing. We are all human and seek some form of validation or a way to feel important to others but what they don’t get is this validation is only for a moment and people will go back to what they’re doing. I always say people will see what you post or what you’re doing for a couple seconds and go back to their lives because everyone has themselves to take care of.
No one has time to be worried about someone else. Another thing is the fear of confrontation or being disliked. People pleasers don’t like being disliked because it is a sense of pride. As human beings everyone wants to be accepted and there is nothing wrong with that but losing yourself in that instance is the problem. It’s okay to disagree with the norm or go your own way because trust me you will get more respect standing up for what you believe in and not compromising your views than following the herd because you don’t want to be seen as an outcast.
The third aspect I have realized is that these people are still trying to find their self identity. Someone still trying to figure out themselves and not knowing who they are will most likely try to find a sense of self through others and the people pleasing aspect also falls into this. A sense of self will most likely come to them from the opinions of others and how others see them not how they see themselves. As humans we have all being people pleasers and most of us grew up that way but along the line we have to find ourselves and not apologize for who we are or compromise ourselves. We as individuals also matter and are important and there is nothing wrong with putting ourselves first because if you are not there for yourself, who will?
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